Wednesday, May 9, 2018


I just found Jim in the (running) shower stark naked but with his socks and shoes on. So, there is levity from time to time.

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

27 March 2018

OK, feeling less traumatized today although yesterday was marked by Mr. Maggie the Cat issues. Many hours at the animal hospital, followed by a return at 3am. Cat will live. I probably will, too. Boy cat urinary issues. He now must eat expensive cat food which he loves. Wish I could feed Jim something expensive that would ameliorate dementia.

It was difficult managing sick cat and Jim at the same time. I might have yelled a time or two. And swore once or twice. Turns out, the path to Wits End is both short and direct.

Sunday, March 25, 2018

25 March 2018

It is not only about needing to spare one's partner pain but, as well, seeking to avoid the abject agony of knowing deeply you have caused, or failed to ameliorate, distress.

Then, there is the daily living which must be done every single hour of every day without fail. To do that with grace, forbearing hourly annoyances and unintended provocation, is so beyond my present abilities.

Yet, I CAN and DO learn, however slowly, to moderate my manifold untoward impulses and reactions. But, it is fair to say, living with my beloved's dementia is the greatest and most important challenge I have experienced. In the most personal possible way, it is intimately humbling and humiliating to have one's fundamental but likely untested assumptions about one's goodness exposed as more real in intent than in practice.

Thursday, March 22, 2018

Catching up, yet again

I think it's difficult to keep up here because ... I am not interested much in tracking the changes with Jim and maybe there are too many failures on my side to reckon with.

Anyway, we had a good short week in Cabo esrlier this month. I, at least. always do better by the sea in a Spanish-speaking country.

No travel planned in the short term but in June we embark from Edinburgh on a Windstar cruise to Norway to the Faroe Islands to Iceland. With three days in London on the front end.

Thursday, February 8, 2018

She's Brilliant!

I am embarking on the annual agonizing drudgery known as the Tax Homework required before submitting all the scraps, questionable totals, notes and questions to the accountant (for whom, praise be). This involves NUMBERS (hardly my forte) and sums, categorizing, scraping my desk, online banking and assorted drawers for relevant elements. This usually puts me in a very bad mood in which I snap easily when interrupted.

In his demented reincarnation, from my view, Jim's sole purpose in life is to interrupt me as often as possible. So, I have taken to assigning him busy work but such must be a task in which he can bury himself sans my assistance and can't be something that will make a mess (Jim's second purpose in life).

Folding laundry is a good one but requires clean laundry. This afternoon I noticed the box of chess books Jim left out last night and, ahah! "Jim, why don't you make a list of all your chess books?" Brilliant, she's brilliant.

Thursday, January 18, 2018


Celebrated our 45th anniversary yesterday in Los Angeles. Had a lovely hotel suite with hot tub. Jim had some issues so we came home early. Funny: the hotel made a typo with our cake which was inscribed as our 48th anniversary. It does sometimes feel that way.

Making celebratory dinner Saturday night: apple and walnut salad dressed with raspberry vinaigrette, roast prime rib, braised fennel parmesan, potatoes Kat, grand marnier souffle.

Saturday, January 13, 2018

Watering the Cat

About the cat, that would be Mr. Maggie.

He eschews his water fountains, BOTH of them. He refuses to drink from his bowl as well. He will drink only from the faucet in only one of the bathrooms.  So he meows piteously when needing to drink, at any time of the day but most especially whilst we are asleep.

I expect we'll calm down after teaining sets in.