The New Normal

I don’t like living without Jim. But living with him and keeping him safe proved beyond my ability for an entire panoply of reasons. This separation may have speeded up his mental decline. He recognizes me but can’t remember I am his Kathy. Or, maybe this is the normal progression of the disease which seems to have torn through goal posts for most of this year.

Posting here is a balancing act between being utterly honest and avoiding the maudlin, banal agony of life with and without Jim. I am beyond relieved to have back my own governance, sans frequent interruptions or demands whilst struggling at the loss of My Jim who has been gone for some years now. My newly solitary life is punctuated routinely by memories of our 48 years together — so much love, glory, camaraderie, sweet times, yes, and painful interludes to be sure. 

Just now loss and sorrow rule my days. So, I bring Jim madeleines, ice cream and yogurt. If only I could bring him wits, sense and self.